What does it mean for you to face your fears? Stop with me a minute and have a wee rummage around in your soul. What fears surface as you start to notice and give them a little space?
Often we try and keep our fears buried because we neither want to address them nor deal with them.
But for some of our fears, not facing them is depriving us of potentially exciting new opportunities and character growth.
Think about one of the things you fear.
Now imagine that you have faced that fear and overcome it.
How is your life different? How are YOU different?
What new opportunities do you have and what new learnings are opening up to you?
To face your fears takes courage.
Perhaps all it needs is that 20 seconds of insane courage that we have been thinking about here. Last week I was musing on the importance of sometimes having courage to say no. To put boundaries in place to avoid becoming over committed and to ensure you are living in keeping with your values.
As we face our fears, we might face up to some of these:
Fear of failure.
Fear of what others might think.
Fear of change, of stepping outside what is known and familiar and safe.
Fear of uncomfortable conversation or confrontation.
Fear of the situation going horribly wrong.
Fear of loss.
But imagine that you were given 20 seconds of insane courage, and used that courage to say a big resounding YES.
What would you say yes to?
Maybe it is a new opportunity that you have been considering for a while, but fear of failure has held you back.
Perhaps it is a new hobby, activity or community involvement that you would like to try but getting to know new people or skills is daunting.
Or you have always dreamed of a certain future but have been afraid to believe that it could become a reality.
Asking to meet up with that person that you have always wanted to get to know?
Courage to say yes gives you courage to face those fears and take that first step.
As Danny Wallace wrote in Yes Man:
Probably some of the best things that have ever happened to you in life, happened because you said yes to something. Otherwise things just sort of stay the same.”
Before we face our fears, as we are rooting around seeking the courage to say yes, it is worth asking ourselves some questions:
- what AM I most afraid of here? What is the worst thing that could happen?
- I might be afraid I will fail – but what if I succeed?
- If I don’t say yes, what might I regret in the future?
- What bonus advantages and new opportunities might open up is I say yes?
- Who am I trying to please or not disappoint by not saying yes?
- Who else is invested in this decision? What would they say?
One bonus of facing our fears can often be the extra confidence and courage we find we never knew we had, and this can be a springboard into more opportunities and increased confidence. It is in doing the thing that we are most scared of that the fear itself diminishes. More on this here, in an article from someone who’s role it is to cultivate courage.
Here’s a final, more tricky thought for you –
Sometimes having courage to say yes means facing our own responsibilities.
It means having courage to say,
Yes, I was wrong.”
This is a thornier fear to face – our own mistakes and how others will respond when we seek to have that potentially difficult conversation. But part of being courageous is accepting responsibility for our own behaviour. It can often be easier to continue to blame the other person and avoid looking too closely at our own attitudes or conversation.
But it takes courage to stop hiding – from ourselves and others – and say, “…yes I did that. It was me. I was wrong and I am sorry.”
It takes a lot of courage to say yes to being the one who apologises. More on this here. We face our fear of rejection and seek reconciliation. Important to remember that we cannot choose the response of the other – we can only be responsible for our own actions and behaviour. All we can do is humbly present our apology without defensiveness or excuses and leave it with them.
So as you consider what it means to face your fears, where might having 20 seconds of insane courage change things for you this week?
Take that courage and say yes and embrace with confidence, openness and gratitude all that comes your way.